Gornt’s Global Geiger Counter: Dikshit Calls Party Off, Madoff’s Mad Scheme, and Goldman Sucks

Dear Fellow Shareholders,

My recent communications have highlighted the unusual goings-on in and around Hong Kong. Today I should like to share some brief thoughts on the equally bizarre global landscape.

Today alone, for example, we have seen “Helicopter Ben” lower U.S. interest rates to unprecedented levels; Mr. Dikshit plead guilty to the illegal operations of PartyGaming Plc in the U.S.A; and Goldman Sachs announce their first quarterly loss as a public company. Add to this the USD 50bn Ponzi scheme operated by Bernard “Mad” Madoff, and the global outlook indeed seems rather precarious.

My business partners at No. 1 Garden Road are convinced that this spells the end of Corporate America: It represents the end of an empire, the final moments of market fundamentalism, and the death of the American dream, they tell me. The vacuum created by America’s fall from grace will be shortly replaced by the growing influence of the Cock of the East, in their view.

And they may well be right. If they are, rest assured that Rothwell-Gornt is uniquely positioned to capture this opportunity. We are a Hong Kong firm through and through. Moreover, through years of relationship building we have unbreakable bonds with key movers and shakers north of Gin Drinker’s Line.

Have heard nothing from my rival Ian Dunross in a while – Perhaps he was a cornerstone investor in Madoff Investments?

Best of seasonal joss,

Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings

Sunny Side Up For South China’s Egg Smugglers

Dear Fellow Shareholders,

Defined by egg-smuggling, the return of H5N1, taxi disputes, - and the occasional exploding motor bus - it has indeed been a strange week, even by Hong Kong’s high standards.

Of these various business opportunities, it was eggs which really caught my eye. Indeed, my back-of-the-envelope calculations suggest the smugglers are making rather enviable margins.

I find myself drawing the inevitable comparison with the distinguished heritage of this very firm. Indeed, the art of smuggling eggs and the art of trading opium (now rather less fashionable) are not entirely dissimilar.

Many of the key ‘ingredients’ are identical: Strong demand; a technically illicit trade; favourable margins; danger; excitement; strong public sentiment; and powerless government on the edge of decline.

Ladies and gentlemen, I take my hat off to China’s egg-smugglers. Like Rothwell-Gornt and Struan’s, they are starting from humble roots. I wish them the best of luck.

But if they become too successful I will crush them like ants.

Best of seasonal joss,

Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings

Dinglebottom Dangles “Low Hanging” Durian

Dear Fellow Shareholders,

Lady Margaret Thatcher may be uglier than the rear end of a Kowloon Motor Bus, but she does know a thing or two about witticisms. And had she been a manager of a distinguished Hong Kong-based trading company, I suspect she might have said: “Every Taipan needs a Dinglebottom”.

Fellow shareholders, Chief Accountant David Dinglebottom (one G, two Ts) – holder of an Advanced CPA with a double concentration in Deferred Tax [IAS 12 and FRS 19] and Implied Volatility – is a Rothwell-Gornt veteran. It was his idea that we should layoff 20% of our workforce before the New Year.

Why, I hear you ask? The answer is simple – It means that a New Year bonus pool of rather more Gorntian proportions may now be distributed amongst the more gainfully employed. It is nothing short of a stroke of ethically dubious genius!

In other news - Ian Dunross has returned from the wilds of East Turkestan in time for Christmas. That is fortunate because I have arranged for Maid Number One to bake a Filipino specialty – a preserved durian Christmas cake - and have it delivered to the Dunross residence.

Does Dunross have a Dinglebottom? Well, who knows... That thought probably deserves its very own post.

Have a Merry Old Christmas, Taipan!

Best of seasonal joss,

Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings