Rats and Rabbits! – Plot Perdu at Paris Auction

Dear Fellow Shareholders,

My failure to secure the winning bid for the Chinese “Rat and Rabbit” bronze sculptures at the Collection Yves Saint Laurent et Pierre Berge auction in Paris last week has left me feeling rather deflated.

At first, my esteemed shareholders, I was red with rage! The very moment that Cai Mingchao’s combined 31.5 million euro offer was accepted, I leapt from my chair, and flung my Collector’s Guide across the auction hall - narrowly missing delicate Lot 21. I then burst out of Christie’s and stomped furiously down Av. Matignon, where I found a small café in which to drown my sorrows.

Several bottles of vin du jour later, I found myself staggering drunkenly around Paris’ huitième arrondissement. Eventually I managed to regain my senses and return my suite at the Ritz – but not until after being cautioned by a gendarme for urinating at the intersection of Av. Franklin D. Roosevelt and Av. Des Champs-Elysees.

Regrettably that anger has now transcended into a deep depression - you see I had flown from Hong Kong with the sole intention of acquiring these works of art. Indeed, my eyes had been trained on the two treasures for some time - the Rat (for all its rodent and vermin-like qualities) reminds me of Ian Dunross, while the Rabbit has strangely Gorntian features.

They were to be placed in Rothwell-Gornt’s Boardroom – a stark reminder of the bitter struggle between Hong Kong’s two greatest conglomerates. Instead, their future now hangs in the balance, having been “bought” by an undercover agent of the Chinese National Treasures Fund.

I don’t think I have felt this depressed since my failed takeover of Struan’s in the mid-1980s. But at least I wasn’t outbid by Dunross. Now that would have been unbearable!

Best of joss,

Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings

Rothwell Gornt’s 2009 Investment Strategy: Real Estate, Real Estate, Real Estate

Dear Fellow Shareholders,

Rothwell-Gornt is pleased to announce to 2009 investment strategy. Steering clear of equities and fixed income products (particularly minibonds) – hallmarks of recent years – I am delighted to announce that the firm will embark upon a more traditional yet equally profitably route: Real estate.

Our investment thesis is that property prices have declined dramatically in recent months, representing a good buying opportunity. Properties on the Peak, in particular, declined some 41% in the final quarter of 2009 - “the biggest on record in Hong Kong’s luxury property market,” Peter Marlowe writes in the Taipan Times (yes - he's still on the go!).

Symbolic of our ambitions in this sector, I plan to kick-start the investment programme with an audacious hostile takeover of one of Hong Kong’s most prestigious addresses – the Noble House Peak Mansion. The property has been sitting idle ever since the Tai-Pan left for Holland. With Dunross still distracted by nano-scale petrochemical deals, the timing for a trophy takeover may never have been better.

Right, time for an Extrajoss Cola – I feel my melamine levels reaching dangerously low levels.

Best of joss,

Quillan Gornt
Taipan and CEO
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings

Extrajoss: Coming To a Store Near You!

Dear Fellow Shareholders,

I am delighted to inform you of the successful launch of the latest product offering in Rothwell-Gornt's consumer beverage line - Extrajoss Cola. So excited was I about this new product that I named it myself!














More than a mere melamine delivery vehicle, Extrajoss Cola provides the rich pungent taste of durian puree, combined with artificially sweetened carbonated water, and comes in a number of different and alarming colours.

Part of the experience is the Extrajoss container itself: Underneath the ring pull of any given can are marked the words "Good Joss!" or "Bad Joss!", giving the purchaser some indication as to how his or her day will go.














The product is currently on trial across select locations in Southeast Asia before a potential global roll out. I expect Extrajoss to deliver a significant blow to the sales of the ubiquitous (yet comparatively tasteless) Struan's Cola.

Wishing you Extrajoss,

Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings

Shareholder Communication Re: Executive Compensation Scheme

Dear Fellow Shareholders,

Let it be noted, with all due respect, that the Taipan of Rothwell-Gornt Holdings would not get out of bed for USD 500,000.

Best of joss in the Ox,

Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings

A Waning of the Jade Stem: Gornt’s Feng Shui Outlook in the Year of the Ox

Dear Fellow Shareholders,

As esteemed members of Hong Kong’s business community, you will no doubt be aware of the importance of Feng Shui. This custom becomes increasingly important as we approach the Year of the Ox.

Perhaps the most the endearing feature of Feng Shui is that it touches all Hong Kong-based firms. Its influence extends from global powerhouses and industry leaders, such as Rothwell-Gornt, all the way down to insignificant family-run dai pai dongs.

A good Feng Shui advisor is rather hard to find: In past years, no small number of consultants have warned me of “challenging periods” or “rocky patches”, only for their predictions to be incorrect. Ironically, in certain cases their prophecies became self-fulfilling, with consultants disappearing under somewhat mysterious circumstances.

But not all consultants are merely full of “hot feng”, and my current advisor speaks Great Truths. In the Year of the Ox, for example, he has forecast that the Taipan of the Noble House will suffer from a waning of the Jade Stem. It is a serious condition that can only be rectified through regular practice of the Eight Jade Dragon exercises.

Happy New Year Taipan! And to my fellow shareholders - Best of joss in the Year of the Ox,

Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings

Webb and Williams Taught Lesson by Taipans

Dear Fellow Shareholders,

May the best of New Year joss guide your asset allocations in 2009!

As you know, Hong Kong’s Taipan’s are often at each other’s throats: We are constantly vying for business - trying to outbid each at prime land, fine art, and charity auctions (as well as offers for customized Sunseekers and Gulfstreams). However, just occasionally, an issue emerges which brings us closer together.

HKEx’s proposed extended blackout period on director trading is one such issue – even Dunross of the Noble House is with me on this one. Richard Williams’ proposal – clearly a disaster for the city’s financial czars – would lead to company directors being unable to trade their own shares for up seven months of the year.

As the Exchange has now learned, the collective might of the Taipans, notably their wealth and guanxi, can be rather overwhelming. Needless to say, a few phone calls later (“there’s always Shenzhen, Shanghai, or Dubai”), and after wiring a few transfers to numbered accounts in Singapore, there are signs that they will renege on this decision.

Of course this didn't happen without a duff counter offer (the Exchange desperate to save face). And if quarterly reporting is their wish, then that is what they shall get! In fact this works out rather well – Rothwell-Gornt has a policy of only accepting attractive, fresh, young female accountants from the Big 4 to “handle” its books and reports (and the Taipan).

And so, fellow shareholders, company directors shall continue to manage their net worth for 10 months of the year. Williams, Webb et. al. – may this be a lesson to you!

Best of joss,

Quilllan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings

Gornt’s Global Geiger Counter: Dikshit Calls Party Off, Madoff’s Mad Scheme, and Goldman Sucks

Dear Fellow Shareholders,

My recent communications have highlighted the unusual goings-on in and around Hong Kong. Today I should like to share some brief thoughts on the equally bizarre global landscape.

Today alone, for example, we have seen “Helicopter Ben” lower U.S. interest rates to unprecedented levels; Mr. Dikshit plead guilty to the illegal operations of PartyGaming Plc in the U.S.A; and Goldman Sachs announce their first quarterly loss as a public company. Add to this the USD 50bn Ponzi scheme operated by Bernard “Mad” Madoff, and the global outlook indeed seems rather precarious.

My business partners at No. 1 Garden Road are convinced that this spells the end of Corporate America: It represents the end of an empire, the final moments of market fundamentalism, and the death of the American dream, they tell me. The vacuum created by America’s fall from grace will be shortly replaced by the growing influence of the Cock of the East, in their view.

And they may well be right. If they are, rest assured that Rothwell-Gornt is uniquely positioned to capture this opportunity. We are a Hong Kong firm through and through. Moreover, through years of relationship building we have unbreakable bonds with key movers and shakers north of Gin Drinker’s Line.

Have heard nothing from my rival Ian Dunross in a while – Perhaps he was a cornerstone investor in Madoff Investments?

Best of seasonal joss,

Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings