Dear Fellow Shareholders,
My recent communications have highlighted the unusual goings-on in and around Hong Kong. Today I should like to share some brief thoughts on the equally bizarre global landscape.
Today alone, for example, we have seen “Helicopter Ben” lower U.S. interest rates to unprecedented levels; Mr. Dikshit plead guilty to the illegal operations of PartyGaming Plc in the U.S.A; and Goldman Sachs announce their first quarterly loss as a public company. Add to this the USD 50bn Ponzi scheme operated by Bernard “Mad” Madoff, and the global outlook indeed seems rather precarious.
My business partners at No. 1 Garden Road are convinced that this spells the end of Corporate America: It represents the end of an empire, the final moments of market fundamentalism, and the death of the American dream, they tell me. The vacuum created by America’s fall from grace will be shortly replaced by the growing influence of the Cock of the East, in their view.
And they may well be right. If they are, rest assured that Rothwell-Gornt is uniquely positioned to capture this opportunity. We are a Hong Kong firm through and through. Moreover, through years of relationship building we have unbreakable bonds with key movers and shakers north of Gin Drinker’s Line.
Have heard nothing from my rival Ian Dunross in a while – Perhaps he was a cornerstone investor in Madoff Investments?
Best of seasonal joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
Sunny Side Up For South China’s Egg Smugglers
Dear Fellow Shareholders,
Defined by egg-smuggling, the return of H5N1, taxi disputes, - and the occasional exploding motor bus - it has indeed been a strange week, even by Hong Kong’s high standards.
Of these various business opportunities, it was eggs which really caught my eye. Indeed, my back-of-the-envelope calculations suggest the smugglers are making rather enviable margins.
I find myself drawing the inevitable comparison with the distinguished heritage of this very firm. Indeed, the art of smuggling eggs and the art of trading opium (now rather less fashionable) are not entirely dissimilar.
Many of the key ‘ingredients’ are identical: Strong demand; a technically illicit trade; favourable margins; danger; excitement; strong public sentiment; and powerless government on the edge of decline.
Ladies and gentlemen, I take my hat off to China’s egg-smugglers. Like Rothwell-Gornt and Struan’s, they are starting from humble roots. I wish them the best of luck.
But if they become too successful I will crush them like ants.
Best of seasonal joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
Defined by egg-smuggling, the return of H5N1, taxi disputes, - and the occasional exploding motor bus - it has indeed been a strange week, even by Hong Kong’s high standards.
Of these various business opportunities, it was eggs which really caught my eye. Indeed, my back-of-the-envelope calculations suggest the smugglers are making rather enviable margins.
I find myself drawing the inevitable comparison with the distinguished heritage of this very firm. Indeed, the art of smuggling eggs and the art of trading opium (now rather less fashionable) are not entirely dissimilar.
Many of the key ‘ingredients’ are identical: Strong demand; a technically illicit trade; favourable margins; danger; excitement; strong public sentiment; and powerless government on the edge of decline.
Ladies and gentlemen, I take my hat off to China’s egg-smugglers. Like Rothwell-Gornt and Struan’s, they are starting from humble roots. I wish them the best of luck.
But if they become too successful I will crush them like ants.
Best of seasonal joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Dinglebottom Dangles “Low Hanging” Durian
Dear Fellow Shareholders,
Lady Margaret Thatcher may be uglier than the rear end of a Kowloon Motor Bus, but she does know a thing or two about witticisms. And had she been a manager of a distinguished Hong Kong-based trading company, I suspect she might have said: “Every Taipan needs a Dinglebottom”.
Fellow shareholders, Chief Accountant David Dinglebottom (one G, two Ts) – holder of an Advanced CPA with a double concentration in Deferred Tax [IAS 12 and FRS 19] and Implied Volatility – is a Rothwell-Gornt veteran. It was his idea that we should layoff 20% of our workforce before the New Year.
Why, I hear you ask? The answer is simple – It means that a New Year bonus pool of rather more Gorntian proportions may now be distributed amongst the more gainfully employed. It is nothing short of a stroke of ethically dubious genius!
In other news - Ian Dunross has returned from the wilds of East Turkestan in time for Christmas. That is fortunate because I have arranged for Maid Number One to bake a Filipino specialty – a preserved durian Christmas cake - and have it delivered to the Dunross residence.
Does Dunross have a Dinglebottom? Well, who knows... That thought probably deserves its very own post.
Have a Merry Old Christmas, Taipan!
Best of seasonal joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
Lady Margaret Thatcher may be uglier than the rear end of a Kowloon Motor Bus, but she does know a thing or two about witticisms. And had she been a manager of a distinguished Hong Kong-based trading company, I suspect she might have said: “Every Taipan needs a Dinglebottom”.
Fellow shareholders, Chief Accountant David Dinglebottom (one G, two Ts) – holder of an Advanced CPA with a double concentration in Deferred Tax [IAS 12 and FRS 19] and Implied Volatility – is a Rothwell-Gornt veteran. It was his idea that we should layoff 20% of our workforce before the New Year.
Why, I hear you ask? The answer is simple – It means that a New Year bonus pool of rather more Gorntian proportions may now be distributed amongst the more gainfully employed. It is nothing short of a stroke of ethically dubious genius!
In other news - Ian Dunross has returned from the wilds of East Turkestan in time for Christmas. That is fortunate because I have arranged for Maid Number One to bake a Filipino specialty – a preserved durian Christmas cake - and have it delivered to the Dunross residence.
Does Dunross have a Dinglebottom? Well, who knows... That thought probably deserves its very own post.
Have a Merry Old Christmas, Taipan!
Best of seasonal joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Taipan Or Not Taipan, That is the Question!
Dear Fellow Shareholders,
The term “Taipan” is used liberally across Hong Kong – From the mahogany-finished corporate boardrooms of Central, to the less salubrious backstreets of Sham Shui Po. But what does it actually mean, and who is worthy of being labeled Taipan?
Here are a few rules of thumb: It means “supreme leader”; it applies only to the upper echelon of Hong Kong’s business community; there may only be one Taipan per company; they must be prominent members of society; they must be financially independent; and they must be in constant competition.
With that in mind, here are a few case studies on its usage (from the Standard):
1. “Sheldon Anderson – the taipan of Las Vegas Sands Corp who has been hit hard by the credit crunch…” 13th November, 2008.
INCORRECT: Las Vegas Sands is NOT a Hong Kong-based company, therefore he cannot be a Taipan.
2. “… to select a successor for former party taipan James Tien Pei-chun...” 6th October, 2008.
INCORRECT: You cannot be Taipan of a political party.
3. “Taipan Albert Cheng has finally got the ExCo green light to set up his radio station…” 10th July, 2008.
INCORRECT: It may be his nickname, but radio man Albert Cheng is NOT a Taipan.
4. “Of the show of confidence by the Cheung Kong taipan, [David] Li said…” 26th September, 2008.
CORRECT: Cheung Kong boss Li Ka-shing is a Taipan – one of Hong Kong’s most prominent.
5. “Swire Pacific taipan Christopher Pratt received HK$15.41 million compensation…” 9th April, 2008.
CORRECT: The leader of Swire Pacific is by default a Taipan.
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
The term “Taipan” is used liberally across Hong Kong – From the mahogany-finished corporate boardrooms of Central, to the less salubrious backstreets of Sham Shui Po. But what does it actually mean, and who is worthy of being labeled Taipan?
Here are a few rules of thumb: It means “supreme leader”; it applies only to the upper echelon of Hong Kong’s business community; there may only be one Taipan per company; they must be prominent members of society; they must be financially independent; and they must be in constant competition.
With that in mind, here are a few case studies on its usage (from the Standard):
1. “Sheldon Anderson – the taipan of Las Vegas Sands Corp who has been hit hard by the credit crunch…” 13th November, 2008.
INCORRECT: Las Vegas Sands is NOT a Hong Kong-based company, therefore he cannot be a Taipan.
2. “… to select a successor for former party taipan James Tien Pei-chun...” 6th October, 2008.
INCORRECT: You cannot be Taipan of a political party.
3. “Taipan Albert Cheng has finally got the ExCo green light to set up his radio station…” 10th July, 2008.
INCORRECT: It may be his nickname, but radio man Albert Cheng is NOT a Taipan.
4. “Of the show of confidence by the Cheung Kong taipan, [David] Li said…” 26th September, 2008.
CORRECT: Cheung Kong boss Li Ka-shing is a Taipan – one of Hong Kong’s most prominent.
5. “Swire Pacific taipan Christopher Pratt received HK$15.41 million compensation…” 9th April, 2008.
CORRECT: The leader of Swire Pacific is by default a Taipan.
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
Monday, November 24, 2008
Corporate Social Resposibility? More Like Community Sincerity Reduction!
Dear Fellow Shareholders,
As the Taipan of Hong Kong’s most distinguished trading house, I am frequently asked why my company spurns opportunities to participate in CSR programmes. My answer is as follows.
If a company engages in CSR it does so for two reasons. It is: (1) making hideous amounts of money; (2) ashamed of how it has aggregated this largesse. CSR is then engaged as a means of disconnecting points (1) and (2).
Now recall from your memories some of the highest profile CSR programmes in Hong Kong. Undoubtedly, Standard Chartered’s sponsorship of the Hong Kong Marathon springs to mind. You may also recall Cathay Pacific’s carbon offsets – or their Asian Waterbird Conservation Fund. The CSR smokescreen is ineffective in both cases.
Everyone knows that the average Standard Chartered banker would never break sweat (unless they were late for a client meeting with a Taipan). Similarly, Cathay’s offsets are largely insignificant against a fleet of 747s which inject tonnes of CO2 into the stratosphere on a daily basis – and kill birds through a phenomenon known as bird strike.
Shareholders, fear not - Gornt is not going soft! Your Taipan merely wishes to highlight the lack of sincerity that lurks uncomfortably behind such campaigns. On the contrary, Rothwell-Gornt seeks to be honest with the community – “We are getting rich - it is glorious, and we are proud of it!”
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
As the Taipan of Hong Kong’s most distinguished trading house, I am frequently asked why my company spurns opportunities to participate in CSR programmes. My answer is as follows.
If a company engages in CSR it does so for two reasons. It is: (1) making hideous amounts of money; (2) ashamed of how it has aggregated this largesse. CSR is then engaged as a means of disconnecting points (1) and (2).
Now recall from your memories some of the highest profile CSR programmes in Hong Kong. Undoubtedly, Standard Chartered’s sponsorship of the Hong Kong Marathon springs to mind. You may also recall Cathay Pacific’s carbon offsets – or their Asian Waterbird Conservation Fund. The CSR smokescreen is ineffective in both cases.
Everyone knows that the average Standard Chartered banker would never break sweat (unless they were late for a client meeting with a Taipan). Similarly, Cathay’s offsets are largely insignificant against a fleet of 747s which inject tonnes of CO2 into the stratosphere on a daily basis – and kill birds through a phenomenon known as bird strike.
Shareholders, fear not - Gornt is not going soft! Your Taipan merely wishes to highlight the lack of sincerity that lurks uncomfortably behind such campaigns. On the contrary, Rothwell-Gornt seeks to be honest with the community – “We are getting rich - it is glorious, and we are proud of it!”
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
Monday, November 17, 2008
Fishing for Value in Hong Kong's Murky Waters
Dear Fellow Shareholders,
I am informed by Rothwell-Gornt’s Head of Research that Hong Kong has officially slipped into recession. This is indeed beastly news for many of our finest, most ruthful, and opportunistic companies.
The downturn has already had an impact on some of our less prepared corporations: ATV Limited has sacked 47 staff; Lane Crawford, have fired 10% of their employees; and regrettably Cantopopped Criminology Labs will be officially closing their doors in less than two weeks.
Moreover, in a recent discussion with the Managing Director of Squid Fishing Tours HK Ltd., I discussed my plan to purchase a little known company in the New World named “General Motors”. He does not seem to be much of a fan.
Perhaps I will simply make a hostile move on Squid Fishing Tours HK Ltd. instead? I shall run this idea past the Board of Directors. Fellow CEO blogger Richard Edelman, at least, should be on my side.
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
I am informed by Rothwell-Gornt’s Head of Research that Hong Kong has officially slipped into recession. This is indeed beastly news for many of our finest, most ruthful, and opportunistic companies.
The downturn has already had an impact on some of our less prepared corporations: ATV Limited has sacked 47 staff; Lane Crawford, have fired 10% of their employees; and regrettably Cantopopped Criminology Labs will be officially closing their doors in less than two weeks.
Moreover, in a recent discussion with the Managing Director of Squid Fishing Tours HK Ltd., I discussed my plan to purchase a little known company in the New World named “General Motors”. He does not seem to be much of a fan.
Perhaps I will simply make a hostile move on Squid Fishing Tours HK Ltd. instead? I shall run this idea past the Board of Directors. Fellow CEO blogger Richard Edelman, at least, should be on my side.
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
Thursday, November 13, 2008
What "They" Said
Dear Fellow Shareholders,
It has been rather an uphill battle for Rothwell Gornt's new Head of Media Relations. Here are what a few leading publications have recently said about your Taipan, Quillan Gornt:
"A nasty piece of work..." -- Barnes and Noble
"As shady as Dunross is honorable..." -- New York Times
"The evil Taipan..." -- Far Eastern Economic Review
"A dodgy Pavarotti lookalike..." -- FinanceAsia
"Sublimely named... a complex antagonist..." -- Doubleosection
Now to business!
This weekend shall be spent aboard the Sunseeker 105, as I consider a hostile takeover of a relatively small American outfit named "General Motors". The current valuation really is rather attractive.
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
It has been rather an uphill battle for Rothwell Gornt's new Head of Media Relations. Here are what a few leading publications have recently said about your Taipan, Quillan Gornt:
"A nasty piece of work..." -- Barnes and Noble
"As shady as Dunross is honorable..." -- New York Times
"The evil Taipan..." -- Far Eastern Economic Review
"A dodgy Pavarotti lookalike..." -- FinanceAsia
"Sublimely named... a complex antagonist..." -- Doubleosection
Now to business!
This weekend shall be spent aboard the Sunseeker 105, as I consider a hostile takeover of a relatively small American outfit named "General Motors". The current valuation really is rather attractive.
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
Monday, November 10, 2008
Ex-Taipan Accused of Jockey Club Scam - But Hong Kong Rules Should Apply
Dear Fellow Shareholders,
Today’s breakfast glass of Dom Perignon at Gornt Mansions was made all the more pleasant as I glanced at the cover story in today’s South China Morning Post: “Ex-Taipan Accused of Jockey Club Scam.”
Naturally, my initial reaction was that story related to Ian Dunross, CEO of the Noble House – he is after all a waning “ex-Taipan”. However, the story relates to Jardine’s, a company closely associated to Struan’s – and more specifically their former comprador John Hung.
Having fully considered the charges placed by the Independent Commission Against Cantopop (ICAC) against John Hung, I now feel some sympathy for the man. After all, when it comes to the Happy Valley races, one must do what one must to stay ahead – Remember, this is Hong Kong!
For example, which Jockey Club steward can honestly say they have not been involved in rigging a bet, drugging a competitor’s horse, running an underground betting syndicate, or carefully ‘managing’ the odds? Such activities are rife – but also necessary under “Hong Kong rules”.
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
----------------------------
Ex-Taipan Accused of Jockey Club Scam – SCMP
“The former taipan of one of Hong Kong's most prominent companies is among four people arrested and charged by the Independent Commission Against Cantopop (ICAC) over alleged bribery and deception in relation to applications for membership of the Hong Kong Jockey Club…
… A holder of the Silver Bauhinia Star, [John Terence] Hung is a descendant of M. C. Hung, the last comprador of Jardine's, the former British hong, or trading company. He had a 34-year career with Wharf and Wheelock, running several subsidiaries before taking over the top job….”
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Sellers Shall Be Punished
Dear Fellow Shareholders,
The following press report has just appeared on my newswire:
"A bearish block trade of 3.4M shares of ROTHWELL GORNT B(00087.1) occurred at price of HK$8.85 and turnover of HK$30.09M at 04:00p.m . The last price is up 4.075%. Today's highest price is $9.2 and lowest price is $8.6. Total volume is 5.246M shares and total turnover is HK$46.727M."
This is almost certainly the work of 'Taipan' Ian Dunross and his cronies over at Struan's. Rothwell-Gornt shall retaliate immediately!
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Tai-pan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
The following press report has just appeared on my newswire:
"A bearish block trade of 3.4M shares of ROTHWELL GORNT B(00087.1) occurred at price of HK$8.85 and turnover of HK$30.09M at 04:00p.m . The last price is up 4.075%. Today's highest price is $9.2 and lowest price is $8.6. Total volume is 5.246M shares and total turnover is HK$46.727M."
This is almost certainly the work of 'Taipan' Ian Dunross and his cronies over at Struan's. Rothwell-Gornt shall retaliate immediately!
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Tai-pan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Change to Corporate Benefit Entitlements
Dear Fellow Shareholders,
I regret to inform you that as of October 29, 2008, all beachside villa and private holiday home benefits formerly granted to our esteemed shareholders and valued employees shall be revoked.
Rather than reflecting the current operating environment, this decision stems from a fundamental disagreement with the management of our long-term supplier, Private Beachside Villas Co. Ltd.
While regrettable, kindly note that Rothwell-Gornt has for many years provided corporate benefits in excess of our nearest and most loathsome competitors. We shall be exploring new options as a matter of priority.
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Tai-pan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
I regret to inform you that as of October 29, 2008, all beachside villa and private holiday home benefits formerly granted to our esteemed shareholders and valued employees shall be revoked.
Rather than reflecting the current operating environment, this decision stems from a fundamental disagreement with the management of our long-term supplier, Private Beachside Villas Co. Ltd.
While regrettable, kindly note that Rothwell-Gornt has for many years provided corporate benefits in excess of our nearest and most loathsome competitors. We shall be exploring new options as a matter of priority.
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Tai-pan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
Monday, October 27, 2008
Even Taipans Need a Break
Dear Fellow Shareholders,
As you know, it is rather difficult to justify a vacation, no matter how short, in the lawless and fast-paced business environment of Far East Asia. Turn your back for five minutes and you may find your shares have been short-sold, or a Guangdong warehouse has been burnt by the Triads.
Nevertheless, your Taipan did manage to find some R&R time this weekend. Leaving Friday’s celebrations at the Pussy Cat Club early (with company, naturally), I headed over to the Business Aviation Center at Chek Lap Kok, and gave the Gulfstream a good run – to Sicily and back.
Even for a versatile aircraft such as the Gulfstream, the runway at the Eremo della Giubiliana is rather short – were it not for the pilot’s skills we could have ended up in the Med. The weekend was spent indulging in the Michelin-rated cuisine of the Sala Grande, and sampling fine wines – some from rather interesting heritage.
I have returned entertained, well-fed, rested, and rejuvenated. Take note Hong Kong: Rothwell-Gornt is open for business. First on my to-do list is a unique sponsorship opportunity with GP Educational Co. Ltd.
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Tai-pan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
As you know, it is rather difficult to justify a vacation, no matter how short, in the lawless and fast-paced business environment of Far East Asia. Turn your back for five minutes and you may find your shares have been short-sold, or a Guangdong warehouse has been burnt by the Triads.
Nevertheless, your Taipan did manage to find some R&R time this weekend. Leaving Friday’s celebrations at the Pussy Cat Club early (with company, naturally), I headed over to the Business Aviation Center at Chek Lap Kok, and gave the Gulfstream a good run – to Sicily and back.
Even for a versatile aircraft such as the Gulfstream, the runway at the Eremo della Giubiliana is rather short – were it not for the pilot’s skills we could have ended up in the Med. The weekend was spent indulging in the Michelin-rated cuisine of the Sala Grande, and sampling fine wines – some from rather interesting heritage.I have returned entertained, well-fed, rested, and rejuvenated. Take note Hong Kong: Rothwell-Gornt is open for business. First on my to-do list is a unique sponsorship opportunity with GP Educational Co. Ltd.
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Tai-pan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Checked Your Share Price, Taipan?
Dear Fellow Shareholders,
Good joss! I write with the pleasing news that following weeks of relentlessly flooding the market with oil futures contracts, Rothwell-Gornt has driven the price of oil to a 16-month low.
Reducing the costs of our transportation portfolio, the results of this action will lead to higher dividend payout ratios for our esteemed shareholders – as well as healthy bonus payments to our Board Members, with whom we are maintaining a close dialogue.
Equally pleasing is that the Struan’s has recently invested in oil assets, a decision which Dunross himself announced via his pestiferous weblog. Embarrassingly for the Taipan, the shock of lower oil prices on this venture shall have no small impact on the Noble House’s 3Q results!
To celebrate, Rothwell-Gornt shall be sponsoring an “open bar” at the illustrious Pussy Cat Club this Friday from 7pm. Rest assured, your favourite girls will be there.
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Tai-pan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
Good joss! I write with the pleasing news that following weeks of relentlessly flooding the market with oil futures contracts, Rothwell-Gornt has driven the price of oil to a 16-month low.
Reducing the costs of our transportation portfolio, the results of this action will lead to higher dividend payout ratios for our esteemed shareholders – as well as healthy bonus payments to our Board Members, with whom we are maintaining a close dialogue.
Equally pleasing is that the Struan’s has recently invested in oil assets, a decision which Dunross himself announced via his pestiferous weblog. Embarrassingly for the Taipan, the shock of lower oil prices on this venture shall have no small impact on the Noble House’s 3Q results!
To celebrate, Rothwell-Gornt shall be sponsoring an “open bar” at the illustrious Pussy Cat Club this Friday from 7pm. Rest assured, your favourite girls will be there.
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Tai-pan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
Thursday, October 16, 2008
No Comment!
Dear Fellow Shareholders,
As the Tai-pan of Hong Kong's most distinguished trading house, one is at times faced with complex decisions. Today is one such day, and I write to inform you of regrettable events.
It has come to the Board's attention that a series of defamatory articles have appeared in the local Hong Kong press. These articles are as fanciful as they are scurrilous. They carry allegations so preposterous that as Tai-pan I had no option but to act swiftly and sternly.
The key perpetrators are the Far Eastern Economic Review and FinanceAsia, upon whose pages I personally have been labelled "the evil Taipan Quillan Gornt" and "a dodgy Pavarotti lookalike". Editors take note: Rothwell-Gornt has suspended all future interviews to these publications.
Separately and unrelated, I am sad to announce the untimely death of Rothwell-Gornt's Media Relations Officer who accidentally passed away while choking on a steamed bun earlier this morning. New applicants can apply through this weblog.
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Tai-pan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
As the Tai-pan of Hong Kong's most distinguished trading house, one is at times faced with complex decisions. Today is one such day, and I write to inform you of regrettable events.
It has come to the Board's attention that a series of defamatory articles have appeared in the local Hong Kong press. These articles are as fanciful as they are scurrilous. They carry allegations so preposterous that as Tai-pan I had no option but to act swiftly and sternly.
The key perpetrators are the Far Eastern Economic Review and FinanceAsia, upon whose pages I personally have been labelled "the evil Taipan Quillan Gornt" and "a dodgy Pavarotti lookalike". Editors take note: Rothwell-Gornt has suspended all future interviews to these publications.
Separately and unrelated, I am sad to announce the untimely death of Rothwell-Gornt's Media Relations Officer who accidentally passed away while choking on a steamed bun earlier this morning. New applicants can apply through this weblog.
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Tai-pan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Probably Not a Coincidence
Dear Fellow Shareholders,
Having recently purchased the Tai-Pan’s prized 1980s Mercedes Benz for a consideration of HK 2.0 million (payable in Lehman minibonds) the strangest thing happened: I was driving the trophy vehicle down Magazine Gap Road in the direction of the offices of Rothwell Gornt when the brakes suddenly failed.
Applying the handbrake (and swerving briskly to avoid the number 15 bus), the bonnet of the old Merc came to rest against the Magazine Gap Road boundary stone. Bystanders looked on in horror as both historical artifacts were written-off.
I have since noted that the disappearance of the Magazine Gap Road boundary marker has been the source of great local intrigue. To clear this matter up, I have decided to make a donation of HK$2.0 million (also payable in the currency of Lehman minibonds) to the official curator of Hong Kong’s boundary stones, Batgung Charitable Holdings.
Meanwhile, the remnant’s of the Tai-Pan’s Mercedes Benz will set in stone and left as a warning outside the planned entrance of the loathsome Struan Heights.
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Tai-pan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
Having recently purchased the Tai-Pan’s prized 1980s Mercedes Benz for a consideration of HK 2.0 million (payable in Lehman minibonds) the strangest thing happened: I was driving the trophy vehicle down Magazine Gap Road in the direction of the offices of Rothwell Gornt when the brakes suddenly failed.Applying the handbrake (and swerving briskly to avoid the number 15 bus), the bonnet of the old Merc came to rest against the Magazine Gap Road boundary stone. Bystanders looked on in horror as both historical artifacts were written-off.
I have since noted that the disappearance of the Magazine Gap Road boundary marker has been the source of great local intrigue. To clear this matter up, I have decided to make a donation of HK$2.0 million (also payable in the currency of Lehman minibonds) to the official curator of Hong Kong’s boundary stones, Batgung Charitable Holdings.
Meanwhile, the remnant’s of the Tai-Pan’s Mercedes Benz will set in stone and left as a warning outside the planned entrance of the loathsome Struan Heights.
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Tai-pan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Ian Bloody Dunross!
Dear Fellow Shareholders,
Ian Bloody Dunross! Would you believe it, that imbecilic nincompoop is at it again! That's right - Hong Kong's pugnacious self-proclaimed "Taipan" has started his very own weblog. And like the rest of the so-called Noble House it is thoroughly distasteful.
Well Taipan, if it is a war of words you want, then that is precisely what you shall have! Rothwell-Gornt already competes with you on land, sea and air - so why not on interconnected computer networks as well?
Mark my words, Taipan, Rothwell Gornt will crush you like a empty can of Struan's Cola.
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Tai-pan
Rothwell Gornt Holdings
Ian Bloody Dunross! Would you believe it, that imbecilic nincompoop is at it again! That's right - Hong Kong's pugnacious self-proclaimed "Taipan" has started his very own weblog. And like the rest of the so-called Noble House it is thoroughly distasteful.
Well Taipan, if it is a war of words you want, then that is precisely what you shall have! Rothwell-Gornt already competes with you on land, sea and air - so why not on interconnected computer networks as well?
Mark my words, Taipan, Rothwell Gornt will crush you like a empty can of Struan's Cola.
Best of joss,
Quillan Gornt
CEO and Tai-pan
Rothwell Gornt Holdings
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
