Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Rothwell-Gornt To Launch Alternative Investments

Dear Fellow Shareholders,

As I entertained a curious mixture of Hong Kong’s most pecunious, slender, and incorruptible tycoons, elite escorts, and public officials at a “Taipan reception” at Gornt Mansions last night, a number of my esteemed guests inquired as to what I have been doing with my spare time now the Jockey Club has entered the off-season.

The answer, of course, is preparing for a successful 2010 season. More specifically, having succumbed to Dunross’ Noble Man on more than one occasion, my previous steed - Pilot Fish - has been turned to glue. In keeping with Rothwell-Gornt’s strong record in sustainability, he has been "repackaged" into a composite building material and flogged to a two-bit real estate developer in Guangzhou.

As you are aware, Hong Kong’s searing summers are not only too hot for horses, they are also uncomfortable for humans (and Taipans). My usual outdoor activities – such as pleasure boating, or sipping Mouton Rothschild on the balcony at Sevva – are no longer appropriate in this climate, and instead my Wednesday evenings are now being used to experiment with new options.

Indeed, thanks to Hong Kong’s increasingly cosmopolitan society, I have tried my hand at yoga, something called “stretch”, and even hip-hop dancing. The latter is the perfect excuse to don my tight “Rothwell-Gornt” custom-branded lyrca leggings and pop socks, and prance around to music by Lil Wayne, who’s not half bad in my view.

What is the point of all this, you may ask? Well, fellow shareholders, I spy an investment opportunity. Without giving away my precise business plan, one could, for example, purchase a group of these businesses, bundle them together, launch them on the exchange, and then market them as “alternative assets”. Yoga as an asset class – who would have thought it!

Best of joss,

Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings

3 comments:

Tai-Pan said...

Stay put Quillan, don't do anything rash. I've called an ambulance for you.

Ian

Quillan Gornt said...

An ambulance without working brakes most likely, Taipan!

Best of joss,

Rommel said...

Alternative assets are the way of the future, taipan! With your savvy business sense, your impeccable sense of market timing, and your access to sources of information unavailable to the rest of the investment community, I'm certain your hedge fund and private equity investments will thrive. If ever you are looking for accredited investors for your fund, please keep in mind.

Respectfully,
Paul Choy, Jr.