Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Merger Announced

Dear Fellow Shareholders,

“What in the name of the three Star Gods have you been doing?” demanded Lazarus Leung, just the other day. Distracted from mixing a Dalmore 62 Single Malt and Extrajoss Cola, I looked up to face the esteemed hong’s Director of Corporate Affairs. “Leave your weblog idle,” he said, “and Struan’s will think you’ve gone soft!”

Freshly poached from the Hong Kong Bank (along with a few stockbroker pals), Leung’s interjection indicates he still isn’t au fait with RG’s corporate culture.  “Look, Yeung,” I intoned. “The only thing that’s gone soft is the Taipan’s Jade Stem. Address me like that again and you’ll be cleaning Wah Hing Lane Public Toilet faster than you can say Diu Nei Lo—

Joss alive! Perhaps the man has point?

Dismissing Leung with a wrathful flash of my eyes, I relax and stare out to where Lion Rock used to be. I  say used to be, because thanks to Struan’s latest real estate development, I can’t see it any more. Logging onto Rothwell-Gornt’s Intranet page, I realise I haven’t posted anything for four years (four – what an fornicating unlucky number!). Everything’s been a blur since I upped my intake of Dalmore Extrajoss.

But there’s more. Leung’s words have tripped a switch: my nemesis Ian Dunross is getting married! With the assistance of my sylphlike secretary, Taeniasis Wong, I locate the invitation on my desk. The sepia photograph depicts a man at ease. His hand is wrapped around the waist of a slender blonde, roughly his equal in height. He smiles through his pirate’s beard. The date is this weekend, the location Buckinghamshire (should I pack my snorkel?).

This, fellow shareholders, is sterling news. With his eye no longer on the markets - distracted by wedding preparations and other husbandly duties – now is an opportune time to strike. Sharpen your chopsticks, for we shall sell him short, unleash our most belligerent lawyers, and hammer him in the region’s press! Leung was right, what perfect timing to resurrect my weblog; I shall have the old boy promoted.

Now, the eighty-eight thousand dollar question: will you, Quillan Gornt, sworn blood enemy of Ian Dunross and the entire Noble House, attend the wedding? – Not in a thousand generations of Brocks.

Best of joss,

Quillan Gornt
CEO and Taipan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings

1 comment:

CloudSource said...

Glad to see a return to posting. As a Rothwell Gornt Shareholder of many years I was worried this inactivity could look like a sign of weakness to our enemies in Hong Kong! I hope short selling and all other standard business practices are continuing as usual.