Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Checked Your Share Price, Taipan?

Dear Fellow Shareholders,

Good joss! I write with the pleasing news that following weeks of relentlessly flooding the market with oil futures contracts, Rothwell-Gornt has driven the price of oil to a 16-month low.

Reducing the costs of our transportation portfolio, the results of this action will lead to higher dividend payout ratios for our esteemed shareholders – as well as healthy bonus payments to our Board Members, with whom we are maintaining a close dialogue.

Equally pleasing is that the Struan’s has recently invested in oil assets, a decision which Dunross himself announced via his pestiferous weblog. Embarrassingly for the Taipan, the shock of lower oil prices on this venture shall have no small impact on the Noble House’s 3Q results!

To celebrate, Rothwell-Gornt shall be sponsoring an “open bar” at the illustrious Pussy Cat Club this Friday from 7pm. Rest assured, your favourite girls will be there.

Best of joss,

Quillan Gornt
CEO and Tai-pan
Rothwell-Gornt Holdings


Tai-Pan said...


I must thank you for all your hard work. I did say I had made an investment in heating oil, but didn't say how much. In fact, I just bought a barrel of it. By driving down the cost of oil, I am now able to fully leverage the funds that the Noble House had set aside for this purpose; though I might wait to see if your work for me will reap further rewards.

I know you are new to the internet and take much of its content at face value, but I couldn't help myself.

Have a good weekend, and think of the superiority of the Noble House when you next use hot water.

Quillan Gornt said...

You are wrong about my internet skills, Taipan.

You will have noticed a new look to my weblog - Do take the time to look around, and don't neglect the section "Dunross - The early days".

May your investors suffer an overwhelming loss of confidence.

Best of joss,